Breath by Breath

Photo by Juliana Murphy, Bear Wallow, Mt. Lemmon, AZ

Grieving does not come naturally to me. I have historically been much more likely to think through and analyze my feelings than to actually feel them when left to my own devices. I do much better in community. Give me a stirring book or film, a compassionate body worker, a good workshop, or a great tear-jerker of a song, and things might start to move.

Like so many of us, I’ve been carrying a sizable backlog of unprocessed grief from the past few years, so when I learned about a series of workshops led by Celia Blackwood, creating space to work with the gates of grief as laid out by Frances Weller in The Wild Edge of Sorrow, I signed right up. As we walked through the first gate - Everything You Love, You Will Lose: The Grief of Abandonment - I began to look around for a song to help thaw my grief and support our ritual.

I perused my collection and the collections of some wonderful song leaders, but none of the beautiful songs I found felt quite right for this gate. Other than Soften My Heart by Kate Munger, my cache of songs that walk a singer gently into the realm of grief was pretty empty. (Shoot me a note if you have one to share! <3)

Nothing helps procrastinate the actual work of grieving like a good research project! ❤️ So I set it aside, and sat down to do the thing.

I sat with my lists of what has been lost and what has been abandoned. I let my heart fill with the memories of those who have transitioned over the past year: my stepdad, Tom; my friend, Ethan; my beloved Tiffy cat. I recalled the relationships that have ended or transformed, the loss of connection with scattered family and friends, the passions that have been set aside, and so much more. As I felt the immensity begin to erupt, I returned to my breath, and these words arrived:

I will allow my heart to be broken

I will allow this river to flow

I will allow my soul to be opened

Breath by breath, steady and slow

Breath by breath, steady and slow

There it is. ❤️

May this song help you to turn toward and touch the grief for what has been lost or abandoned, and also to return to the fullness of this moment. Breath by breath.

This is a teaching track for community singing.

Lyrics:

Part 1:
I will allow my heart to be broken
I will allow this river to flow
I will allow my soul to be opened
Breath by breath, steady and slow
Breath by breath, steady and slow

Part 2:
Breath by breath, I grieve you
Breath by breath, I'll know
You will always be here
And I can let you go
Yes, I will let you go

Music and lyrics by Juliana Murphy

This song is intended to be shared freely and sung both individually and in community. If you plan to perform or record it with the intent to sell, please contact me for permission.